Choosing our words carefully

The late Robert Schuller noted that the way we treat the English language is terrible. We say, for example, “This is the worst thing that could ever happen,” or “I’ll never get over this.”

Most of us have said this at some point, and, most often, after dreadful things have happened. We probably believed the truth of our immediate response, though in retrospection would admit neither is true. But we continue to misuse words.

I read someone lately who cited another misuse; namely when we say to someone, “You

never… ” such as “You never help me around the house,” or “You never want my friends to visit us.” The result of “you never” is this phrase launches recipients into a box of defensiveness.

How do you respond when you’re “nevered” by someone?

The immediate response is to say, “That’s not true,” and then cite examples supporting our innocence. Thus, an argument ensues.

The writer suggested a better opening is “I need you to do this for me.” This makes the supplicant vulnerable rather than being an attacker.

Dale Carnegie in “How To Win Friends and Influence People” declared the same thing when he said we can help win an enemy by asking them to do something for us.

I remember experimenting with this concept when a church member was miffed at me for some reason or another. I forget now whether I deserved his scorn or not, but one day I called and asked if he wouldn’t mind picking up a church guest that evening for me. He did so, and this brought about a fresh conversation with him that night, and hopefully, a measure of healing.

I had a light-hearted moment with a couple planning to be married and told the prospective groom to obey his bride-to-be.

“Remember, happy wife, happy life,” I said with a smile.

“No,” he said. “It’s happy spouse, happy house! We both need to be happy.”

This is exactly what the Apostle Paul urged when he said Christian spouses are to “outdo one another in loving service” (Ephesians 5:21). In this instance I needed word correction and redirection!

Words are powerful since they can make or break another person. Words can be gifts, or weapons. Words can be bridges for understanding or barriers to relationships.

A college president frequently shared a quotation, attributed to various authors: “Three things cannot come back: the spoken word, the spent arrow and the lost opportunity.”

Knowing that our words can be hurtful and irretrievable should motivate us to choose them with care.

King David had a model prayer: “Set a watch, O LORD, before my mouth; keep the door of my lips (Psalm 141:3).

Reflections is a weekly faith column written by Michael J. Brooks, pastor of the Siluria Baptist Church, Alabaster, Alabama. The church’s website is siluriabaptist.com.