Platform failures

We grew up as high school friends and he became a music leader for church congregations. He told me the most embarrassing day was when he mounted the steps to the platform to begin worship, tripped and fell headlong onto the floor. Fortunately, he wasn’t hurt, but there are better ways to begin worship.

I thought of this lately when another pastor told a group of us about a famous pulpiteer from another generation who said as he mounted each stair that he would pray, “Fill me. Fill me,” beseeching the Holy Spirit’s power. This pastor then told us when he mounted the stairs he had a different prayer: “Don’t fall! Don’t fall!” This is a worthy prayer.

Last Sunday our music leader took a corded microphone to lead vocally and the microphone fell apart. I tried, gracefully, to go to the platform while we were singing and put it back together. I was successful, but I’m afraid that’s the extent of my audio-visual skills.

Then I told the congregation about another day. It was common to use a breath spray in a small canister, and I always kept one in my jacket pocket to spray in my mouth during the closing prayer before I dealt with people in the invitation. That day, the short burst of spray became an overwhelming flood. The nozzle stuck and made a loud hissing sound. I put the cap back on and thrust it underneath the pulpit hoping it would stop and hoping it wouldn’t explode. After this I went back to simple peppermints.

Of course, most of the things we pulpit people seem to worry about don’t amount to much, like the time I was horrified to look down while seated and found I had the pants from one suit and the coat from another, and the patterns and colors didn’t match. My only defense was that I get up early on Sundays, dressing in semi-darkness, and that day I somehow messed up. But again, no one mentioned this to me, so no harm, no foul.

But another time I got a good sermon illustration from a wardrobe malfunction.

A nice lady after the service said, “Pastor, there’s a hole in your suit jacket.” I had found this suit in the closet after forgetting about it, but obviously didn’t survey it from the rear. But forever after I was able to explain Ephesians 6 better.

A Bible conference leader once asked about the armored Christian soldier in this passage, and in what way he was vulnerable. He answered his own question, “An attack from the rear.”

I now share the story and talk about how we Christians are supposed to watch one another’s back.

Reflections is a weekly faith column written by Michael J. Brooks, pastor of the Siluria Baptist Church, Alabaster, Alabama. The church’s website is siluriabaptist.com.